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|| Getting
Started ||
Your
Online Profile || Sound Dating Judgment ||
Locate Information on
People || |
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Do's
and Don'ts || Acronyms &
Emoticons ||
Link Friends
||
Online Dating Books ||
Grab Free Stuff || |
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Whether you decide to correspond with other
singles online and eventually meet or decide to simply make some new online
friends, please remember to use sound judgment and be responsible for your
online dating conduct. In both the online and offline dating worlds using
your common sense will keep
you sane, happy and safe. The below information isn't placed in any
particular order and all are important elements of sound online dating
judgment so I hope you take the time to read them all. |
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1.
Start
slow...
It's highly recommended that you start out slow and at your own pace, again
whatever feels the most comfortable to you. Be wary of the guy or girl that
seems "too good to be true", you know... absolutely perfect in every way.
Though there are some people that are near perfect (errrr, usually in their
own minds of course), keep your peepers open and your ears tuned in to what
is being said. Since you'll likely start communicating via email be alert
for anything that's inconsistent such as a profile that says "homeowner" and
an email that mentions "my room", or an email that says "slim" but an email
that mentions his or her diet. All these "little" things are snapshots of
the "real" person you're talking too and since the long term goal of many
singles is to meet a real person and not some fake, you'll need to start
slow and be alert. |
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2.
Trust your instincts...
You should most definitely trust your instincts, especially if there's
anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. If you feel the need to walk
away from the current correspondence taking place then just do it. It's not
like that person is the only person that will be interested in you or you in
them, especially considering the millions of singles out there, online
looking for each other.
So if your gut feeling says that she's still living
with Mom and Dad and you feel uncomfortable since she said she has her own
place then go with your gut feeling. If he says he's single but tells you
not to call his cell and that he can only call you "during lunch" then go
with your gut feeling. While the details of safe emailing was covered in the
previous "Your Online Dating
Profile" section remember to stop communicating with anyone who
pressures you for your personal information or attempts in any way to trick
you into revealing your personal information. In these cases you have to ask
yourself why would he or she need or want this information in the early
stages of correspondence. The correct answer is that they do not need your
personal information in order to communicate with you via email or chat,
so... trust your instincts. |
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3.
Use caution...
Using caution and exercising common sense will ensure you experience
the best online dating results. Those people you decide to write to
and who will write to you must earn your trust, just as you expect to
earn theirs. This happens no different then it does offline through
consistent honest behavior, words and actions.
They establish their reputation with you over a period of emails,
chats and phone calls and if you ever suspect that the other person is
lying to you then there's a very good chance that they are. In these
cases you have to decide whether to give them the benefit of the
doubt, or "test" the potential lie of theirs, or whether it's in your
best interests to reduce any future drama with this person and simply
move on to greener pastures. Most times it's best to move on and find
a lover or soul mate that is going to be open & honest with you now
"and" later on too! |
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4.
Request a photo...
If their photo is not posted on their dating profile, asking for one (a
recent one) is OK and perfectly normal. A recent photo will give you a good
idea of that person's appearance, which may prove helpful to you in getting
a feel for if their profile matches their photo, if the photo they sent you
shows them much older or younger then their online profile, and it can also
help you with your gut feeling and instincts about them.
If you can view or you receive photo's of them in different modes or
settings such as formal, casual, outside, inside, with family, at work etc.
then that'll help you even more in getting to know them. If by chance you
hear excuses about why they can't send you a photo such as I don't have any
recent digital photos, I don't have a digital camera, my digital camera is
broken, my hard drive failed last week, my dog ate them, I have no friend or
family to take pictures (and I could go on but I'll stop here ha ha), then
you should see a great big unfurling red flag, see the flashing halogen
lights, and here the big horn a blowing with the mental message to - run for
the hills.
If a person does not have a photo posted on their profile or will not send
you a photo then they are hiding something and it's time to cut your
potential losses and move on, life is to short for games, and online dating
is the place for honesty, not smoke and mirror shenanigans. |
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5. Covert online investigation...
No, it isn't as bad as it might sound. It's
really just using the right "and free" online tools and web sites that are
available out there (did I mention free) to locate information on the person
you're corresponding with. Initially this paragraph started out small,
however as I continued to add various online information, database, and
search resources it began to take over this entire page so... I put together a
separate page that is specific to locating readily available information on
your potential friend, lover or soul mate. You can review all of these
interesting tidbits of information on the "Locate Online Information
About People" page. |
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6. Talk on the phone...
When talking to someone on the phone it can reveal a huge amount of
information about them. Through the phone you can learn much about their
level of nervousness, communication style, and their social skills. Normally
when you talk on the phone you don't even think about it, however when
talking with someone from your favorite dating site, I'd recommend you
listen up more carefully to what they're saying while consciously matching
their words to their profile and earlier conversations (email or phone).
Again, unless you feel comfortable or you're ready to move to the next step
there's no reason to reveal your personal information, and remember to use
caller ID blocking if you do not want to reveal your phone number or first
and last name. While YOU are on the phone with the other person remember to
turn down the TV, get the kids active with something in a different room,
and put your unruly pet outside. It would be very rude of you to interrupt
the other person so you can yell at your kids to be quiet or scream at your
dog. You wouldn't want to listen to that kind of stuff, so don't put the
person on the other end of the line through it either. |
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7.
Meet when YOU are comfortable and ready...
The really great part of online dating is that you can get to know a
person gradually over a period of time. You know... finding out
whether what he or she says in their profile matches what they seem to
actually be about.
You can gather information about them and check your gut feeling to
see if you two are a good match and potential future soul mates. It
also gives you the opportunity to walk away if you don't feel right
about it without even having to write a dear John or dear Jane letter. |
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8.
Watch out for those online dating red flags...
Hmmmm, this could be my favorite section. Be particular wary of those people
in the world that wake up angry at the world, you know, it takes something
small to set these people off in to a rage, they become rude, or they're
totally disrespectful. You might also experience inappropriate discussion at
inappropriate times, you know... sex talk. If you were dating, living
together, married (in a relationship) sure, talk about the 117 known sexual
positions, however if you're not intimate or you simply do not feel
comfortable talking about anything related to sex, then don't. If he or she
pushes the subject that's a big red flag. If the other person gives you
information that is inconsistent with their profile, past emails or phone
calls such as their age, marital status, profession, employment, appearance,
interests or anything else you might ask them about it.
It is possible there's a logical explanation "yes, my profile says I'm
studying to become a Geologists, however I've now graduated and work for the
Florida Park Service". If you happen to ask them about an inconsistency and
they either stutter, stammer or just go silent... run for the hills! If a
person tells you that they'd rather not speak on the phone but would prefer
to "go ahead and meet" you best see some red. They could be married and just
looking for a fling or quick romp in the hay, they do not have a phone, or
they do not want you to be able to call them back.
If the person you're corresponding with gives generic answers to direct
questions, get ready to call it quits early to save yourself time and
aggravation. If for instance you were to ask someone what they did for a
living, where they live, and what they're looking for in a partner and they
come back with: "I work like everyone else, nothing special", "I live where
the sun wakes me every morning with its wonderful warmth", and "I'm looking
for someone of the opposite sex that's breathing", then they are either
hiding who they really are, or they're simply a total buffoon... block their
future emails and get back to finding your Mr. or Ms. Right.
Lastly the first date test is the one that really matters. If they are
significantly different in person then what you've learned about them
over time whether appearance, personality or anything else, reconsider a
second date. If the chemistry is perfect between you two and you're hitting
it off perfectly, then go with your gut instincts. |
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9. Meet
your date in a safe place...
When you get to that point in your online dating relationship when you both
decide to meet, be sure to let a friend or two know where you're going to
meet you date, the time you'll meet and when you expect to return and give
them your dates name, address and phone number (you did collect this
information didn't you?).
Your first meeting without any doubt must be in a public place such as a
well know restaurant, coffee shop or other public place whether other people
will be present too. If you two meet and then decide to go someplace else,
take your own transportation and don't automatically go in your dates
vehicle. Don't feel pressured or feel you're being rude declining their
offer to "take you there". If they've got any amount of dating savvy,
they'll understand completely and will respond to you taking your own car
with an "OK", simple.
Meeting at someone's house, their friends house, or having them come to
where you live is a big mistake at the early stages of dating. Yes, there's
a chance everything will be OK, there's also a chance that it was (was) the
biggest mistake of a decision you ever made. Be smart, meet in a public
place, you'll thank me later on this one, trust me. After the date, thank
the other person for the date and drive yourself home. |
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10.
Out of town caution for your safety...
If you're meeting your date out of town such as you flying or driving to a
different city you want to make your own hotel reservation and you do not
want to tell your date where you're staying. If your date offers to make the
reservation for you, pick you up at the airport a drive you to your hotel,
or even pick you up at your hotel to "give you the grand city tour" -
politely decline the offer. After getting settled in call your date from
your cell phone or pay phone and let them know you've arrived and set up a
place to meet if you haven't already.
If you arrive at the location where you are to meet and it appears unsafe or
you do not feel comfortable, then do not stop and instead call your date and
recommend a different place to meet. As always, let your friends or family
know what city you're going to, who you're meeting and when you expect to
return. When meeting someone out of town you want to take your cell phone
with you at all times and if you do not own one then getting one of those
"pre-paid" cell phones from your local department store is a very wise
investment. |
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11. Get yourself out of trouble...
As mentioned many times already on this site, if you feel uncomfortable
about anything or if you're gut feeling tells you that something (anything)
is not a good idea then trust yourself and trust what you're feeling and
call it quits.
If you're in the middle of a date and the person you're with starts sending
a bunch of red flags your way, becomes angry, rude, obnoxious or is
embarrassing you the solution is simple. Tell the other person you need to
make a quick call, get something out of your call, use the restroom or
whatever it takes to remove yourself from a bad situation and then walk
away. Go out the front door, go out the back door, it doesn't really matter
just go.
Never feel embarrassed or concerned about your behavior, your
personal safety is much more important then what the other person might
think or feel. If you're in a situation where you feel you might be in
danger and you cannot get away easily, call the police. It's much better to
be safe in this case then to be sorry.
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Locate Online Information
About People |
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